New Year’s Eve 2013

We have survived over 13 months without our sweet Zoey. Karthik and I have survived her 6th birthday, her brother’s first birthday, our first Diwali without her, our first Thanksgiving without her, two Christmases and including tonight, two New Years without her. Yes life goes on and we go through it’s motions everyday missing our sweet baby with all our heart. So tonight we welcome 2014, hoping and trying to keep the faith, braced for whatever life has to offer in the new year.
As we enter 2014, I’d like to reflect on the lessons I learnt from my baby girl’s sweet but extremely short life. Moreover these are lessons for my son as he lives his life without his Zoey Akka’s physical presence by his side. ( I say her physical presence because I am convinced without any doubt, that her spirit is always, always and ALWAYS by his side.)

1. Have FAITH ( This one is a struggle for me everyday. But I am trying my best to keep my faith going)
Have faith in yourself and in others. Faith will carry you when reason fails you. Find something to have faith in, it may be in your GOD or it may the goodness and kindness in people around you. But always keep that faith.

2. Enjoy the little things in life
I have learnt this entirely from my baby girl. Being a busy working parent and always juggling between several chores, we sometimes forget to stop, take a moment and just be with our kids. We forget to enjoy the little things. We are always waiting for the next activity, the next chore that is … We forget the joy of watching a 5-year-old snuggle and talk to her soft toy in her sleep with wide smile on her face, or the joy of watching a 1-year-old play with his toy again and again as if he were seeing it for the very first time. I remember my Zoey telling me to slow down, how I was not to hurry her royal highness 🙂 . It’s these little moments that matter most in life.

3. Family is the most important thing in life.
Your parents will always be with you no matter what you do in life. Your siblings have grown up with you and know you like no one else would ever know. Time may create distances in your relationship but at the end of the day, you can always , always count on them. For Zoey till the end, it was about her Dada, her Mama, her baby brother ( also called as soccer ball) , her Ajja and Domi (my parents) , her Thatha and Pita (karthik’s parents), her aunts, uncles and cousins. She insisted that each and every one come and sit with her, play with her and spend time with her during her last week here on earth.

4. Try not to be bitter ( learn to let go)
(This one is really hard for me. I struggle with it everyday , sometimes several times a day). Learn to let go off your expectations from others around you. Try not to assume and judge someone for their behavior. You don’t know what the other person is going through at the time.

5. Embrace life and death.
After seeing your child take her last breath in your arms, you have new-found appreciation for both life and death. You realize death is inevitable and there is no reason to fear or worry about it. In fact after the initial shock and despair wears off, you begin to embrace death in a new way. I will always be in awe of my baby girl as she embraced her final journey to eternity with such poise and grace. I can only strive to be half as graceful as she was when it’s my time to go. I know my girl braved to go someplace all by herself, fully aware there her Mama and Dada wouldn’t be able to join her. If a 5-year-old could embrace life and death in its entirety, why can’t we ?

The next time I post, it will be 2014. I’d like to thank everyone that joined our fight against childhood cancer and hope that in 2014, we will reach our goal for Zoey’s DIPG Research Fund at Stanford. I’d also like to thank everyone for reading about my Zoey’s life and following my journey as her grieving mom. I am truly honored and touched. A BIG HEARTFELT THANK YOU to all of you.


10 thoughts on “New Year’s Eve 2013

  1. Dear Suman and Karthik
    I have heard Karthik on Video and read Suman’s tribute to Zoey. Admiral Ganeshan was here at our res last month and he too poured out his heart . So do his g’parents ,friends,relatives and well wishers . Jesus would have given Zoey a nice resting place till we all meet again at eternity.Hope the Lord will comfort you in this hour of grief and give the strength to bear this irrepairable loss over time .
    With warm rgds for Minty/Anay/Soccer ball and I give mine-Kuchroo!!
    With warm rgds
    Johnson and Usha

    • Surely Zoey would bring much joy in heaven ,which will be her final resting place. Hope Jesus will enable you to transit your time on earth without Zoey with the comfort that you will see her joyful ,zestful persona at eternity

  2. I am so sorry. You know, losing someone you love is never easy. You have helped me to let go of bitterness.
    Take care…I will pray for you and your family.

  3. You truly are blessed with a beautiful and graceful daughter. My prayers and rest assured she is very happy up there. You have captured her memories so well and thank you for sharing. I don’t know you and chances are our paths will never cross, but for a few minutes it felt like I too was playing with Zoey. ~father of a 4 yr old daughter.

  4. Dear Suman,
    Your daughter Zoey is so cute and a darling and you are such an amazing and strong mom. May God give you and your family the strength that you need

  5. Dear Suman,
    You are Ma Durga and your little princess Goddess Saraswati. You are a unbelievably beautiful mother. Zoey and the rest of us are very very very proud of you. With lots of love and strength. shubhra

  6. My heart and prayers go out to you all. She was an incredibly special, soulful little girl.
    With my deepest sympathies,

  7. Suman , I miss Zoey . Think of her every day . Go through all the emotions , the happiness we had experienced together . For me life has freezed in those moments . It’s like a fairy tale and I like to keep going back to this tale . There’s a vacuum created in the life . My sincere pray and wish is that may god fill this vaccum by giving our Zoey back . Wish to feel her presence again .

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