Another birthday without the birthday girl

I remember the night from 7 years ago like it was yesterday. The night that changed my life forever. That Monday night when Zoey decided to make her appearance, with her head full of thick black hair and sparkling big brown eyes. One look at her and I was in love like never before.

Had cancer not intervened, Zoey would have been 7 years old today. She would have just finished first grade and would have been looking forward to a summer filled with fun and laughter. She would have insisted on being girly and geeky at the time.She would have insisted on some fun themed birthday party with her school friends. She would have picked her own party favors and would have hand written all the thank you notes herself. She would have insisted on only eating the frosting of the cake, while leaving the rest of the cake for me or her Dada to finish later. Karthik and I would have taken her out for her celebratory birthday dinner and she would have ordered her favorite buttered penne pasta, especially mentioning the cheese on the side. The dinner would have been followed by a trip to her favorite ice cream shop. She would have had so much fun with her baby brother Anay. Anay would have been her tail running after her, calling her “Zo Akka”. Every morning he wakes up and blows flying kisses to his one and only one “Zo Akka”.

God knows what else she would have done in the last 18 months that she hasn’t been with us. God only knows what kind of experiences and opportunities we missed since her life was cut short so cruelly. Thanks to cancer she will forever be 5 years old.

However today is not about cancer. I will not focus on the monster that took her away. I will not focus on the poor funding for childhood cancer or request you to donate towards pediatric cancer research. I will not focus on the fact that 7 kids die of cancer everyday. Instead I will cherish the memories I have of her. I’ll reflect on all the birthdays we were blessed to have her with us. I’ll eat her favorite candy, I’ll lick the frosting on the cake, and talk about her to her baby brothers, Anay and Hari. Karthik and I are also going to honor her by distributing her favorite books and cupcakes at the pediatric oncology floor where she spent the last few days of her short life.

Zoey, my baby, I wish you were here and I wish you never had to leave. I wish I could celebrate all your birthdays all over again… I wish I never had to write this blog post. .. Happy birthday my love. Love you and miss you as always.
Your mom forever

Zoey on her birthday over the years:
Zoey the day she was born:
Zoey on the day she was born

Zoey on her first birthday:
1st birthday

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Zoey on her 2nd birthday:
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Zoey on her 3rd birthday:
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Zoey on her 4th birthday: with her very own bike.
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Zoey on her 5th birthday: ( last one we were blessed with)
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