Why this skeptic went to a medium

I have been wondering about this blog of mine. It’s been a year since I posted my first article on this blog. Why do I blog? I write because I want to remember every little bit about my baby girl. I write because I don’t want her to be forgotten. I write because I think it is free therapy for her poor mom’s broken heart. And yes of-course I write to increase awareness for pediatric cancers like DIPG. So far, I have written about her when she was with us as Zoey. I have written about her short 5.5 years, her diagnosis, her fight to stay alive, and the spirituality she experienced during that journey. I have written about my heartache and the grief that completely takes over and brings me down on my knees. But I haven’t written about her in her afterlife. What happened to my Zoey after she passed away ? What happens to that spark of life when the body shuts down. It is my belief that her undying spirit, her soul is still alive and is continuing to live, but just not in a physical form that we can feel and perceive.
So naturally after she passed away, I needed to know how she was doing. I needed to believe in the signs that seemed to come from her, especially on days when I would need it the most. And that’s what brought me and Karthik to see a medium.

For those who don’t know, a medium is a person that can communicate with the spiritual world. Yes that does sound suspicious. The old me would have laughed at something like this. I’d probably think the person is just making it all up, because, really, how many of us think of the spiritual world? I hadn’t given it a second thought before Zoey’s passing.

So yes Karthik and I went to see a medium. Karthik did a lot of research and found someone in the north Jersey area. He called to take an appointment, and we got in about a month later. We did not give any details about us or Zoey over the phone. When the day came to go see the medium, we were very excited. We were hoping to talk and communicate with our girl. Would our girl come to see us ? How was she on the other side ?

So after an hour-long drive, we reached the church where the medium practiced. After we reached, we were directed to a small office where she welcomed us. She only asked us our names and birth dates. Then she closed her eyes, and said she was seeing a little child with sparkling bright eyes…. She told us the child was being looked after by her great grandmothers, ( mine and karthik’s deceased grandma’s). She asked us if we had an infant son back home, because the child was telling her a lot about her baby brother. Then she told us things that only our Zoey could have whispered in her ears. A few things that hit home were the lullaby I sang to her in my mother tongue every night or the details of a painting she loved, that hung in our family room. Once the medium convinced us that we were indeed communicating with our baby, she asked, if we had any questions for Zoey. We asked her if she was happy? We asked if we would see her again. To both she answered with a resounding YES. We asked her if we could have done anything different when she was alive. We were told we couldn’t have done anything different and all of this was meant to be. We told her we missed her like crazy. We told her, we loved her. Then my Zoey went on to make a few predictions. Zoey told us a lot about her baby brother. That he would have a beautiful smile and would be very interested in music. She specifically mentioned that, Karthik and I would receive a gift with angel wings and when we receive it we should know it was from her.
We returned from the medium visit with a heavy heart, missing our baby, but knowing that she was happy and well taken care of, on the other side.
About 15 months after she passed away we received the following portrait made by a friend of a friend.


I nor Karthik have met this artist in person. Nor has she met Zoey. The artist has only seen a picture of Zoey. However she and Zoey were communicating after Zoey’s demise and this is a portrait of my Zoey in her afterlife. I am forever indebted to this soulful person for painting my Zoey. Yes my Zoey, bright, beautiful, with sparkling eyes , with wings, surrounded by dolphins and absolutely free from her physical body. This is by far the most beautiful and precious gift I have ever received or will ever receive in the future. I am forever thankful to the artist and my Zozo for making this portrait happen.
Remember our Zoey had said “gift with wings” …..I am a true believer of the afterlife.
To my baby, my love, my Zoey.
As always, your mom.

“Death is not extinguishing the light. It is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come” ~~ Rabindranath Tagore


16 thoughts on “Why this skeptic went to a medium

  1. This post has made me believe…truly believe..Lost my cousin (almost my sibling) last year and cant seem to get a hold of that reality even now..your experience makes me …believe. Thanks SO much for sharing. Warm hugs!

  2. What a beautiful post. I hope connecting with her in this way has given some peace to you and your family. Very touching. I lost my nephew two years ago and I see his father suffer every single day. I hope he finds someone who will give him an opportunity to connect with him and give them some peace.

  3. Dear Suman, what we know is only very little. What you wrote took my breath away. Hugs to you, I hope you all will continue to heal, grow in love for Zoey knowing that she is not only at peace, but is truly happy, and looking at you. Love and hugs to you.

  4. I don’t know why, but I keep waiting for your new entries, though it makes me emotional and I cry a lot after reading it…but it brings me that much mkore closer to my lil daughter. your entries reminds me to give that extra hug to my lil one, once I return from work…that extra serving of her favorite snack, just for being the lovely angel she is….
    I am so glad you were able to communicate with your angel and that she is happy in her afterlife. May this give you peace of mind. Lots of love and hugs to you.

  5. I only “found” you last night….when checking out DIPG sites….and this post means so much to me. My precious granddaughter (she had only 4 weeks of Kindergarten before being diagnosed with this monster on her 6th birthday) was stolen from us on February 12, 2014. I struggle so much with concepts of an afterlife and though the specifics of our belief systems are different…what you wrote about your experiences and feelings resonate with me like nothing else has so far. Thank you.
    A grieving grandmother in California.

  6. Balling my eyes out! So wonderful to read this and get to know more about your beautiful daughter. Bridget painted this portrait partially at my house and zoey was very present. Several times I would just sit and be with the painting and her eyes were following me and looking at me in such a delightful way that was very real. I always felt her presence as so happy and love filled. Thank you for sharing. Bridget is an amazing spirit filled woman and she took great joy and a lot of time letting this image spill through!

  7. Hi Suman,

    I stumbled across your blog and wanted to say that I am so sorry for the pain and heartbreak you and your family continue to experience. I read from the beginning and am glad I got to know a little piece of Zoey. It is evident that she is a beautiful soul and lived a joyful, hopeful life surrounded by a wonderful family. Thank you for sharing your daughter with us and for raising awareness of pediatric cancer. The funding and lack of research is shameful. We must do better for our kids.

    Sending love,


  8. Wow! This must be comforting. Not just for you both, but for other bereaved parents who might read this. Zoey truly is an angel!

  9. Dear Suman, We don’t know each other but I come back to your blog every once in a while. I am really happy that you have been able to communicate with Zoey. It must be such a relief for you. I hope you continue to get signs from Zoey and always feel her by your side, not just in your heart.

  10. HI Suman,
    I am typing with tears streaming down my face. As a mother of a 3 year old I feel your heartache, joy & suffering of having had and lost a beautiful little girl. Even though I don’t know any of you, I can tell your Zozo was/is an angel. Nothing can take away your loss but know that she was God’s special child and she is in a very happy & peaceful place looking down on all of you. I hope & pray that there comes a day when you don’t have to go through heartache & instead remember all the happy & precious memories you & Karthik shared with her, although I know it will be a long time.
    God bless you all,

  11. Hi

    I lost my son 4 weeks ago to another type of childhood cancer. he was only 2 1/2 years old and I am sat by his graveside now as I write this. Your blog has helped me a lot, I can see there can be happiness after this dark time. This post about the medium has lifted my spirit hugely and I hope to one day contact my sebby and know that he is safe and well. X

  12. Have read your blog posts about Zoey. This is such a touching description of how you are coping. Love the beautiful picture. Zoey looks so serene – an angel.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s