I have been wondering about this blog of mine. It’s been a year since I posted my first article on this blog. Why do I blog? I write because I want to remember every little bit about my baby girl. I write because I don’t want her to be forgotten. I write because I think it is free therapy for her poor mom’s broken heart. And yes of-course I write to increase awareness for pediatric cancers like DIPG. So far, I have written about her when she was with us as Zoey. I have written about her short 5.5 years, her diagnosis, her fight to stay alive, and the spirituality she experienced during that journey. I have written about my heartache and the grief that completely takes over and brings me down on my knees. But I haven’t written about her in her afterlife. What happened to my Zoey after she passed away ? What happens to that spark of life when the body shuts down. It is my belief that her undying spirit, her soul is still alive and is continuing to live, but just not in a physical form that we can feel and perceive.
So naturally after she passed away, I needed to know how she was doing. I needed to believe in the signs that seemed to come from her, especially on days when I would need it the most. And that’s what brought me and Karthik to see a medium.
For those who don’t know, a medium is a person that can communicate with the spiritual world. Yes that does sound suspicious. The old me would have laughed at something like this. I’d probably think the person is just making it all up, because, really, how many of us think of the spiritual world? I hadn’t given it a second thought before Zoey’s passing.
So yes Karthik and I went to see a medium. Karthik did a lot of research and found someone in the north Jersey area. He called to take an appointment, and we got in about a month later. We did not give any details about us or Zoey over the phone. When the day came to go see the medium, we were very excited. We were hoping to talk and communicate with our girl. Would our girl come to see us ? How was she on the other side ?
So after an hour-long drive, we reached the church where the medium practiced. After we reached, we were directed to a small office where she welcomed us. She only asked us our names and birth dates. Then she closed her eyes, and said she was seeing a little child with sparkling bright eyes…. She told us the child was being looked after by her great grandmothers, ( mine and karthik’s deceased grandma’s). She asked us if we had an infant son back home, because the child was telling her a lot about her baby brother. Then she told us things that only our Zoey could have whispered in her ears. A few things that hit home were the lullaby I sang to her in my mother tongue every night or the details of a painting she loved, that hung in our family room. Once the medium convinced us that we were indeed communicating with our baby, she asked, if we had any questions for Zoey. We asked her if she was happy? We asked if we would see her again. To both she answered with a resounding YES. We asked her if we could have done anything different when she was alive. We were told we couldn’t have done anything different and all of this was meant to be. We told her we missed her like crazy. We told her, we loved her. Then my Zoey went on to make a few predictions. Zoey told us a lot about her baby brother. That he would have a beautiful smile and would be very interested in music. She specifically mentioned that, Karthik and I would receive a gift with angel wings and when we receive it we should know it was from her.
We returned from the medium visit with a heavy heart, missing our baby, but knowing that she was happy and well taken care of, on the other side.
About 15 months after she passed away we received the following portrait made by a friend of a friend.
I nor Karthik have met this artist in person. Nor has she met Zoey. The artist has only seen a picture of Zoey. However she and Zoey were communicating after Zoey’s demise and this is a portrait of my Zoey in her afterlife. I am forever indebted to this soulful person for painting my Zoey. Yes my Zoey, bright, beautiful, with sparkling eyes , with wings, surrounded by dolphins and absolutely free from her physical body. This is by far the most beautiful and precious gift I have ever received or will ever receive in the future. I am forever thankful to the artist and my Zozo for making this portrait happen.
Remember our Zoey had said “gift with wings” …..I am a true believer of the afterlife.
To my baby, my love, my Zoey.
As always, your mom.
“Death is not extinguishing the light. It is only putting out the lamp because the dawn has come” ~~ Rabindranath Tagore