Three years

Tomorrow is 25 November 2015. Three years back I experienced a parent’s worst nightmare. Three years back , on that Sunday after Thanksgiving, I lost my beautiful 5-year-old princess to brain cancer. Zoey took her last breath in her dad’s and my arms. She was calm, peaceful and from what she told us then, she was looking forward to stealing butter with her beloved Krishna. It’s unbelievable that it has been so long since her passing and also unbelievable how much has changed since then. But through all these changes the person that has been there for this family is her amazing dad. So on the third anniversary of her passing, with her dad’s permission :), I’d like to share an email Zoey’s dada sent to all her loved ones. Zoey, your dada has come such a long way since your left. Now you already know that, don’t you? You must be so proud of him. Love you to the moon and back baby girl. Moon and back.

Karthik’s email to Zoey’s loved ones:

Tomorrow it will be 3 years since Zoey’s passing. I can still feel her little body in my arms as soon as she came out of Suman and in the same vein I can also still feel the frail body reclining against my chest (because her back and neck were perpetually hurting with the tumor’s pressure) asking me if she had my permission to go and play with Krishna now. November 25th 2012 is also crystal clear in my mind as I pressed the button to cremate her physical remains.

Samsara by definition is a mixed bag and now 3 years later I can’t help but feel overwhelmed by gratitude for all that the Lord has given Suman and me and I wanted share those thoughts with you.

He gave Suman and me the most gorgeous little girl. The five and a half years with her were unquestionably the most beautiful years of my life and I would not trade them for anything. She was being ravaged by a tumor that could have shut down her automatic functions like swallowing, etc. but yet with Lord Krishna’s blessing that did not happen. Even with that acute pain my girl demonstrated a level of poise and equanimity that one can only aspire to achieve over numerous lifetimes. Lord Krishna in the Gita says “samathvam yoga uchyate – equanimity is yoga” and my girl exemplified samathvam…what an incredible blessing for her parents to be able to witness that equanimity and watch her eat ice-cream as her last meal on November 23rd.

Now 3 years later as I reflect on the changes in Suman and my life it is hard to not to be overwhelmed by how blessed we are. We have 2 adorable and extremely naughty little boys at home. This past year has been wonderful in terms of the time spent with family. Zoey’s DIPG fund will hit its original target of $100K tomorrow with over 350 donors. Suman’s Facebook page “Cure for Zoey” and comments on her blog continue to remind us of how compassionate we can be as humans. And then there’s all of you. Your love and support has been tremendous for us. You have been there for us over these last 3 years while giving us the space to find our own strength…and for that we are incredibly thankful and blessed.

The Bhagavad Gita is the ultimate vedantic text and gives us a roadmap for living our lives the right way – do your karma in a dharmic way, understand and appreciate your inherent immortality, and then finally realize that our individual atma (soul) is a microcosm of the paramatma…i.e. we are a microcosm of God and have all the qualities of godliness within us. We spend so much our lives complaining about things around us or finding faults with other people or whining about things we don’t have or just in general being unhappy about our material lives. Zoey stared death in the face with a smile and a desire for ice-cream. When I told her I was angry with God for giving her a boo boo in her head, she said I was missing the point – God didn’t give her the boo boo, he was taking it away. Let’s take a moment today, to put all our complaints and concerns on the shelf and without asking for anything more, just say thank you to God for all that we have been given. On that note, once again THANK YOU for everything.

Love,
Karthik

Zoey's last trip to Baskin Robbins for ice cream

Zoey’s last trip to baskin Robbins for ice cream

Zoey's parents now three years later.

Zoey’s parents ….three years later.