Shall we dance

Shall we dance

“Shall we dance Amma?” I get asked very politely by my littlest. He is just over 2.5 years and is an extremely cute dancer. Any music that plays on TV or anywhere else, he starts dancing. Those deep eyes look at you expectantly, and those tiny hands reach out to you forcing you to instantly get up and move with him. So I get up, hold his hands and we both do a silly dance to the Mickey Mouse Club House theme song. My older boy is giggling away, amused by his little brother and mom dancing to his favorite show. ( He too loves to dance, but he really needs to be in the mood and also needs some good beats). The younger one dances to anything. As we finish our little number, I can’t help but reflect on the past when I used to dance with my baby girl.

My baby girl who loved dancing. Any music playing anywhere, that bold child would get up and dance. Very similar to my littlest boy. I remember that one-year-old who had just learned to walk, moving her tiny self to nursery rhymes. I remember her falling down and getting up saying in a baby voice “Zoey fell down”. I remember that 3-year-old girl dancing to live music at a random restaurant, while we were vacationing in SC. I see her doing ballet to Swan-Lake during her Pre-K graduation ceremony in her beautiful pink tutu. That night not only did she dance, she participated in a skit, and told the audience she wanted to become a paleontologist-ballerina. Watching her on stage that night I thought, I couldn’t be prouder ….. how she proved me wrong ! She not only danced on stage, but danced her way through cancer. She’d dance to the song “Hey Krishna ” every single morning before heading out for her radiation session. And she was quirky that way. She did ballet moves to “Mahishasura Mardini”. People who know this song definitely know it’s nothing like ballet music. I watch that video of her and all I can say “Only my Zoey would think of something like that 😃”. In the last week of her life she couldn’t stand by herself so she’d sit up in bed and insist on moving her frail body with a huge smile on her face. Oh boy the spirit she had. As I watch her videos from that last week and I wonder how she did it. Where was she getting all that energy ? Her brain was shutting down her body slowly ….but I guess that cancer couldn’t touch her heart and undying spirit. Oh I miss that spirit. That force , that life ….my life . My Zoey. I miss her. Period.

So now you know how dancing with my child was a big part of my life. Looks like the universe has handed me another opportunity to do the same. These days when I get asked by my littlest, I jump in without thinking twice. Because if I am lucky he will soon grow out of this phase, and not want to dance with his mom 😃. Yes it isn’t like dancing with my Zoey. How can it be ? There can only be one and only one Zoey in my life. She is my number one girl forever. She is irreplaceable. However dancing with my boys is still special. It will be something I cherish in the years to come 🙂

Dancing Zoey

Dancing Zoey

Zoey forcing me to dance 😃

Zoey forcing me to dance 😃

Hari and I dancing in Disney

Hari and I dancing in Disney


5 thoughts on “Shall we dance

  1. Joey’s spontanious Dance for MAHISHASURA MARTINI song is ever green in my mind. She is a blessed baby little girl, God gave you in your life Suman to live in the present and enjoy the pleasant movements with two little anmol RATNAS !
    Ajja’s love to Anay and Hari………….the little gift of Joey to us!

  2. Hi! Suman , god bless the littl ones and you….really admire your strength and the depth of your love. The other day I came across a FB group called ‘Love for Anya Anand’. Anya has Cancer and the parent seems to be in deep distress (not that he isn’t justified). Not sure how these things work but maybe your experience and the life you have built while keeping zoey alive in your heart can give him some hope. You could possibly reach out to him through the group he is active on – Love for Anya Anand on FB. God bless and be happy always….

    • Hi Soumya
      Thank you for reading my blog and helping me keep my zoey alive in a special way. I am aware of Anya and her recent decline in health with her tumor progressing. It’s a parents worst worst nightmare and more so the child’s ….because the child goes through all stages of decline with complete cognition of mind. See dipg attacks motor skills and not cognitive and memory skills…. so child loses all ability while still being aware of it. It’s like being stuck in a body that doesn’t work ….
      So this journey is beyond hard …. Every parent is different and handles t differently.. I don’t think I wanted to talk to anyone when zoey started to decline … especially a bereaved parent …. I think of Anya everyday and pray she doesn’t suffer the usual dipg side effects … I pray for her and her family for helping them to survive this ordeal.
      Hope this helps ….

  3. I read your blog frequently and have fallen in love with your little girl based on the descriptions. I think it is awesome how she combined ballet and mahishasura mardini at such a young age. Intuitively mixing two cultural different art forms at such a young age is a talent!

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