My darling Zoey,
June 11 2017, you are all of 10 years old today. It’s been a decade since your dad and I embarked on a life-changing journey without having a clue of what was ahead. Today, we should be planning your sassy yet geeky big-girl birthday party. Maybe you would insist on having a sleepover with your friends at home or maybe your dada and I would have taken you to Paris to see the Eiffel Tower or maybe we’d all go to Hawaii for a good long vacation. Or I could be completely wrong and you’d surprise me and insist on a low-key birthday with your parents and little brother. Sadly, all of the above is occurring only in an alternate reality of mine . Even though that reality ceased to exist way back in 2012, for some unknown karmic destiny, I was forced to continue and breathe on.
So Zoey, your dada and I celebrate with you today in that alternate universe. We miss you like crazy … words fail to describe the feeling. Your little brothers love you as their Zoey Akka and they faces light up knowing its your birthday weekend. They’ve already eaten cake-pops, cupcakes and ice cream at several occasions during this past week ….and every time I smile and I think of your love for ice cream or just the frosting on the cake. This weekend a few of your favorite people visited us, your Asha Pita , Usha Pita and Avanti (Karthik’s aunts and cousin sister) . We laughed at how you always called them Pita instead of Patti (meaning grandma). We reminisced about the good-old days ….especially your pre-k graduation party in June 2012.
Zoey, Zoey Zoey …. I could keep repeating your name loudly forever and ever. I’ve been asked several times in this past decade about the reason for naming you Zoey. See Zoey isn’t a name of Indian origin. Even after you passed away, many a times, readers of this blog have asked me the same question. So here’s the story behind your name sweetie-pie.
You were given to us after three heart-breaking miscarriages and a very tough pregnancy. For some reason you were always in hurry. At 20 weeks gestation you gave us a scare. We were told you if we didn’t intervene, you would be born in a few days. So your doctor decided to admit me to the hospital and keep me off my feet for the next 3.5 months of my life. I spent most of that time in a tiny hospital room, confined to the bed, praying and begging that you stayed inside safe and sound. I watched a ton of TV to keep myself occupied. So while laying in bed and watching TV I came across a show in which a woman is blessed with a baby girl after years of struggle and she goes on to name her Zoey. I immediately looked up the meaning of the name and loved it. The name Zoey is of Greek origin and it means “Life”. Such a perfect name for the one person who was about to come and breathe a new “life” into our existence. So I called your dad to ask him his opinion. I was still thinking about it, but your sweet dada loved the name instantly. I remember him proclaiming that from then on, Zoey was the only name for you. One and only one Zoey of ours. 4 letters and two perfect syllables. Zoey !
Every year for your birthday, your dad and I try to do something meaningful to support little kids suffering from cancer. So this year was no different. We celebrated your 10th birthday with a bunch of kids and their families on the oncology floor at the hospital you were treated. We did a make-your-own taco/bowl themed brunch, along with cupcakes and goody-bags for the little kids. I’m sure you were right there in your own way …..
I know today would have been entirely different, were you here physically with us. But since you had your own karmic journey (and I have mine) I will try to be happy with the 5.5 years I actually got with you. Your dad, your baby brothers and I will go to your favorite Krishna temple and maybe, just maybe, you will give us a glimpse, in your own magical way.
Happy 10th birthday my dear baby girl !. Love you and miss you to the moon and back , as always.
Your loving mama