Happy 10th birthday.

My darling Zoey,
June 11 2017, you are all of 10 years old today. It’s been a decade since your dad and I embarked on a life-changing journey without having a clue of what was ahead. Today, we should be planning your sassy yet geeky big-girl birthday party. Maybe you would insist on having a sleepover with your friends at home or maybe your dada and I would have taken you to Paris to see the Eiffel Tower or maybe we’d all go to Hawaii for a good long vacation. Or I could be completely wrong and you’d surprise me and insist on a low-key birthday with your parents and little brother. Sadly, all of the above is occurring only in an alternate reality of mine . Even though that reality ceased to exist way back in 2012, for some unknown karmic destiny, I was forced to continue and breathe on.

So Zoey, your dada and I celebrate with you today in that alternate universe. We miss you like crazy … words fail to describe the feeling. Your little brothers love you as their Zoey Akka and they faces light up knowing its your birthday weekend. They’ve already eaten cake-pops, cupcakes and ice cream at several occasions during this past week ….and every time I smile and I think of your love for ice cream or just the frosting on the cake. This weekend a few of your favorite people visited us, your Asha Pita , Usha Pita and Avanti (Karthik’s aunts and cousin sister) . We laughed at how you always called them Pita instead of Patti (meaning grandma). We reminisced about the good-old days ….especially your pre-k graduation party in June 2012.

Zoey on her 5th birthday.[/caption]

Zoey, Zoey Zoey …. I could keep repeating your name loudly forever and ever. I’ve been asked several times in this past decade about the reason for naming you Zoey. See Zoey isn’t a name of Indian origin. Even after you passed away, many a times, readers of this blog have asked me the same question. So here’s the story behind your name sweetie-pie.

You were given to us after three heart-breaking miscarriages and a very tough pregnancy. For some reason you were always in hurry. At 20 weeks gestation you gave us a scare. We were told you if we didn’t intervene, you would be born in a few days. So your doctor decided to admit me to the hospital and keep me off my feet for the next 3.5 months of my life. I spent most of that time in a tiny hospital room, confined to the bed, praying and begging that you stayed inside safe and sound. I watched a ton of TV to keep myself occupied. So while laying in bed and watching TV I came across a show in which a woman is blessed with a baby girl after years of struggle and she goes on to name her Zoey. I immediately looked up the meaning of the name and loved it. The name Zoey is of Greek origin and it means “Life”. Such a perfect name for the one person who was about to come and breathe a new “life” into our existence. So I called your dad to ask him his opinion. I was still thinking about it, but your sweet dada loved the name instantly. I remember him proclaiming that from then on, Zoey was the only name for you. One and only one Zoey of ours. 4 letters and two perfect syllables. Zoey !

Zoey on her birthday

Every year for your birthday, your dad and I try to do something meaningful to support little kids suffering from cancer. So this year was no different. We celebrated your 10th birthday with a bunch of kids and their families on the oncology floor at the hospital you were treated. We did a make-your-own taco/bowl themed brunch, along with cupcakes and goody-bags for the little kids. I’m sure you were right there in your own way …..

Birthday cupcakes plus desert for her 10th birthday celebrations

I know today would have been entirely different, were you here physically with us. But since you had your own karmic journey (and I have mine) I will try to be happy with the 5.5 years I actually got with you. Your dad, your baby brothers and I will go to your favorite Krishna temple and maybe, just maybe, you will give us a glimpse, in your own magical way.

Happy 10th birthday my dear baby girl !. Love you and miss you to the moon and back , as always.
Your loving mama

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12 thoughts on “Happy 10th birthday.

  1. Happy Birthday Zoey….Very touching…How I pray that there should be some power to get back your baby…Very impossible to ever forget for a second….I always go thru your feelings and really feel very helpless….Her grand parents were too strong to face any problem but loosing a child just breaks you…….

  2. The maturity of this post is amazing. You were supposed to learn this , Suman and zoey chose this life to make you learn this. When you mentioned that she has her karmic journey and u have yours , thats the entire truth ofthe universe in a short line. Hats off to your strength and unconditional love.

  3. Happy birthday dearest Zoey,
    What a name. I know last yr Zoey showed her
    Presence some way in the temple. I am sure she would have done the same.

    zoey, please talk to your little Krishna and
    And ask him take care of your mom and ask him to eradicate the disease cancer. I am very sure that is all your parents wish would be.
    You and your mom is always in my thoughts

  4. I am one of the readers who was curious, and asked you the story behind her name,thanks for letting us know ,such a unique and lovely name it is .

  5. Tears trickled while I read your blog. Zoey is such a sweetie pie. I am sure she was around watching you all and missing you. I have no words to say. Wish you were here da kannama. I have only seen your pictures and you are so adorable that I wish I had seen you once somehow.

  6. Every time, I read your posts..myself being a dad of a 4 year old, its hard to comprehend Suman. Zoey is so lucky to have such a wonderful parents like you guys. The positive outlook you exhibit even after going through all this is tremendous. Happy birthday dear Zoey.

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