It’s the first week of September and Zoey’s brothers started a new academic school year this week. Our baby of the family started kindergarten, while the older one entered first grade. The little one was super excited to join his brother on that school bus. The older one held his hand and walked him to his kindergarten classroom 😊. The boys were excited about their new backpacks, water bottles , lunchboxes etc. We took the customary first day pictures and shared them with both sets of grandparents and all their loved ones. And yes, we did miss our baby girl immensely. See, all the happiness and joy we experience with these “firsts” are always laced with a tinge of sadness … it’s a reminder that our baby girl never got on that school bus. She never got to experience that first day of school. If she were alive, she would be all of 12 years …Not sure what a 12 year old would do on the first day of school. I’m not even sure what grade a 12 year old should be in ? While we were waiting with other families for the bus to arrive, I realized Zoey wasn’t even mentioned once this morning …. sigh ! That is the nature of our existence. To the outside world we will always appear as this “normal” happy family of four. Our first-born will not be known unless we decide to bring her up in a conversation. And these days I don’t do that very often. It’s just a coping mechanism to avoid the awkward pause that follows thereafter.
So after the boys went to school, I went about my day feeling a bit lost and wondering whether this will ever get better. I desperately needed a sign from my Zoey. The boys returned from school happy and chattering about their first day experiences. I heard about their new teachers, new routine, lunch buddies etc. In the evening we decided to visit the local library as they wanted to exchange some books and play in the kids play area. At the library, in the kids book section, the following book caught my attention. Book titled “The Beautiful Moon”.
That very instant I knew that was my baby girl. I picked that book and sat there reading it. Tears streaming down my eyes, it confirmed my thoughts.
The book is about this little boy who prays every night before going to bed. He sends his prayers to the moon to heal the sick, to provide food and shelter to the homeless and to take care of all his loved ones. It is very special book and I felt it was hand picked by my kind and compassionate daughter for her darling brothers. Such a beautiful and apt book! So that night before going to bed, I sat between these boys and read this book out loud to them. They listened intently and asked questions about sick and the hungry in the world. They listened to me as I explained to them what it meant to help others in need. And finally before sleeping, they blew good night kisses to Zoey and to the moon. Such a perfect ending to a perfect first day! Isn’t it ? And as their mom I realized I couldn’t have asked for anything more!
Thank you my dearest, my darling,my sweetest baby girl ! You always find ways to connect with me when I seem to need it the most. And as always, love you to moon and back.
You loving mama.
Picture of our ever dancing Zoey
Ever dancing Zoey…. our ballerina
withoutmyzoey 