I am a mom of three beautiful children. 2 darling sons who are in my arms and a beautiful 5 year old baby girl , Zoey, who lives in my heart forever.
This blog is a reflection of my memories of the bravest person I will ever know, who fought the worst pediatric cancer there is, with everything she had. I want her little brothers to know what a precious and gorgeous sister they once had.
This site will also be a home for my heartfelt feelings, as I try to live life without my sweet Zoey by my side.
Thank you for visiting my blog.
Suman
withoutmyzoey 
Dear Suma,
I am Geeta’s very close friend. I have always shared /tried to balm with her the anguish and trauma your whole family went thro’ during Baby Zoey’s last days and a to how you all at the onset of her sickness learnt to accept it and strrugle with it silently until the inevitable happened. Indeed, It needs a lot of courage to see your beloved just so bravely slippingg out of your hands.
Yet we have to accept that this beautiful soul has ascended to a very high dimenion unfathomanable by us. How many of us climb that height? Just feel proud to feel thet Baby Zoey did it at such a tender age, and wipe that tear rolling down those starved cheeks missing her fond hug and a sweet kiss. she is now too doing it for you in her formless realised dimension. Take it and cheer up because that alone is the present
Kind Regards,
Maala
Chennai
Dear Suman – I don’t know you but stumbled across your blog on Facebook. I was waiting in the car to pick up my daughter from school and I had endless tears as I read. I sobbed. My heart broke for you and your family. As a mother of two beloved girls I felt a small iota of your pain. Please know that mothers around the world are carrying you in our thoughts and prayers. It is wonderful how you have immortalised Zoey through your blog. And this wonderfully special girl is going to change the world in a profound way. All my love and respect for your strength and resilience.
Brave Zoey’s Mom, I don’t know you but came across your blog through facebook. all i can feel is you and your famliy have seen the whole life from happiness to pain, from care to love, from birth to death and the courage to face the suprises that life has for us.. proud of Zoey!! she will as always be with your family and be a protective sister for her soccer ball for ever! even though i am an optimistic person, not sure if i have atleast half of your courage. Hatsoff to you and Zoey!
Feel gald that I came across your blog.
All Soul Stirring articles.
Made me Cry. Brave souls you are.
HI Suman, Read your Conversation with Zoey and it was so touching and in some way inspirational to others who are in the similar situation. I had to share it with all the mums and dads who are on my playschool’s facebook page too. I really wish that no parent has to ever see their baby suffer and if they have ,like u I wish that they find the strength to make a difference just like you and ur hubby in the lives of others!! I had tears reading what u wrote …hug.
Hi,
This is Aditi here.I am a mother of a 2yr old Vivaan and a just a stranger for you, who came across this blog of yours.Reading your blog I couldnt control myself but just wanted you to know that I am happy that you have continued to keep Lil Zoey alive through this blog of yours.My heart goes out to you n your family n specially your lil Zoey.She will alwaz be in my prayers from now on.
Dear Suman,
You are very very brave. I am sure Zoey got the courage to fight this from you. She was a fighter and this blog is a perfect way to remember her. I love how positive your posts are. Kudos to your courage and I hope everything will work out for you in the future. Love and blessings coming your way!
Suman ,
I stumpled upon your blog thru a facebook friend ..Very sad to know what has happened to you ,having lost my dear
husband to Cancer after a long battle I understand the pain you must be going thru now …I have now started to beleive that
old saying “God always want the best of humans to be with him ” ..m sure little Zoey is somewhere with him playing and looking on us.
I bow to her spirits .. Take Care Suman …
Veena
a courageous angel…May her memory never fade… Take care
Suman, you are a brave and strong mother… Can’t bear to imagine your pain.
What I have read on this blog is touching and my heart races out to Zoey and what an angel she is!
This memoir created by you, is something your family is going to cherish forever. As Zoey remains in everyone’s hearts forever.
God bless.
Suman, thank you for the chance to let us meet your beautiful baby girl! She’ll live not only in heaven and in your heart, but now she’s forever immortalized in the words that you’ve penned and shared with us. I imagine my four year old daughter Ava and your Zoey would have been best friends as they sound so much alike and share the same beautiful heart.
Dear Suman,
You are very brave. Keep up the courage. Zoey is a brave little sweet girl.
My mom has brain cancer and I am a new mom myself…I wish I could be with my mom always in these critical days..
God bless you & your family. You are brave, strong and above all inspirational. Thanks for putting your thoughts which touch our souls so deeply.
Dear Suman,
I have been crying all day after reading your posts…
I cannot imagine the pain and the suffering you have been through. And to tell the world about it and re-live it with every post, only tells me how strong you are in your goal to spread awareness about DIPG. You are a truly an amazing person and I will remember you and your beautiful Zoey forever!
Hello Suman,
I don’t know you, but cannot stop writing it. You are a brave mother of an cute little Angel.
May Zoey RIP.
Please continue to stay strong mommie. One can never answer why it happened. love you Zoey!
Hi Suman,, your the bravest mom,, i want to give you a zillion Hugs,, if its okay can i send some flowers for valentines for Zoey,, what color kind of flowers did she like? you have my email in the post
I wonder why bad things happen to good people. I am so sorry for your loss. Your blog brought me to tears. Please do continue to write so Zoey’s memories are captured for eternity. She looks incredibly adorable in the pictures you’ve posted.
Hi Suman,
It is really heartbreaking to read your blog. You have captured all the precious moments so well. We just had our 2nd princess few months back on Nov 1st and she was a preemie, the 3rd day after her arrival doctors told us that she has some stomach issues and can be life threatening. I only spent 3 days with the baby and just couldn’t afford to lose her. I just couldn’t express my sadness. She is a fighter, she fought through all the pain and is in my hands now. I can imagine the pain you are going through missing a baby who was literally your world for 5 long years.
I believe Krishna has taken your strong little angel to a different world to fight for something really big. Maybe it is the fight against the horrible Cancer and saving so many kids from this. I hope her task with Krishna ends soon and she is back in your tummy safe and sound as how she desired.
Zoey will come to my mind every time I pack Navarathri bags for the little kids from now on and will make sure she has one packed.
Hi Suman,
You may not remember me. I am Mala,s Mom-in-law. Thanks for sharing your memories of
little Zoey. I could not stop my tears. She truly was a blessed soul. I am sure she has re-entered
your tummy as she wished. Wish you a safe delivery and this time round God will bless her
with a long life. Kudos to Karthik as well.
Kamala.
😦
Hello Suman,
I saw this recently and thought you might want to have a look. A bereaved family from the UK, parents of 2 year old Elliot Kerslake, were frustrated with the difficulty in finding information and lack of support to help them out after the loss of their child. They’ve recently started a charity called Elliot’s Footprint to rectify that and to help other bereaved parents.
The charity is still rather new so there isn’t a lot on their website yet. But they do have some resources listed on their website already to help different groups of affected individuals on how best to deal with the loss of the child and to support the bereaved family. They’ve also shared their own experience, including what they found to help them with their struggles.
You can see the charity website here:
http://www.elliotsfootprint.org/
Found this charity through a news article on the Internet, featuring the bereaved family and explaining the need to do more to support those who have suffered the loss of a child.
I hope it is helpful to you in some way.
Also – they are looking for people, especially bereaved families and those with experience in dealing with loss of a child, to get in touch and share their experiences, particularly with a view for how better to give the bereaved families stronger support. If you’d like, you might want to share your own story with them.
Hi Suman! I do not know you and am a stranger to you. I stumbled upon your blog few months back and have been following it since then. I am deeply sorry for your loss and cannot imagine the pain you must have gone/going through. The first time I read your blog, I told my husband about your Zoey. We then decided that if we are ever blessed to have a beautiful princess like your Zoey then she will be named Zoey in your Zoey’s honor. We have a 8 month old son and we hope that one day he is also blessed with Zoey. Your every post breaks my heart and makes me sob. You are a very courageous mom!
We recently lost our dad due to cancer and have been wondering about his afterlife and if there was anything else we could have done for him. We have also thought about contacting mediums however were not sure if they were “real”. However, upon reading your blog, we sure hope to connect with him one day. Suman- would you please be kind enough to share the medium’s contact. I hope I am not crossing boundaries by asking such a question. If I am crossing boundaries, then my sincere apologies!!!
May god bless you and your family!
I was fortunate enough to have a daughter in April and as promised we have decided to name her Zoey in honor of Your Zoey! God bless you all and your little Zoey❤️. We don’t know each other but your Zoey ha a special place in our hearts through your blog and I know and believe that she is always watching over you.
Dear RS
I read and re-read your comment today almost several times over and over. Thank you so much for naming your darling daughter Zoey. I have tears of joy and gratitude in my eyes that someone can do this in honor of my child. You are such a beautiful person. Congratulations on the latest addition to your family. How is the big brother doing ? What is his name ? Blessings to your Zoey and may she be blessed with a happy, long and healthy life. Thank you so much
Suman
Suman, I came across your blog through one of my friend and being a mother of a 9 yr old son, i can understand what you would have been through..I couldnt control my emotions and cried out and praying god not to do such injustice to anyone in this world. As perfect as Zoey, you are a gr8 mom and may god give the courage to carry on life in a peaceful manner.
I am 35,On Tuesday I will be headed to the mayo clinic for my diagnosis. They believe I have pontine glioma .I wish so many things but I am just happy it wasn’t one of my children. I feel for you, I am dreading leaving my beautiful babies behind and am trying to keep going as long as possible for them.your daughter was beautiful and I am thankful that your family has help fund research for this little known condition.
Hi Cheryl. How are you doing. Please let me know if you need any help or support. Praying for you.
Suman,
Reading your article again and again. Inspired by your positive spirit. Amazed by how you believe in Krishna even after he took away your precious thing far away(of course not from your heart and memories). Hats off to you and the way you have kept your family together. If you fell down, your family would also have gone down. Love you all.
What a heart wrenching blog. But your Zoey, through your writing makes me want to be a better, person, a better parent, a better human being. May you always feel her presence by your side and her love always soothe your aching heart.
Cant leave without a tear in my eye after everytime I read your post.. You are brave and a lovely person!! Zoey is proud if you !!
Dear Suman / Karthik / Zoey / Anay and Hari,
I stumbled across your blog after I saw the acknowledgement in one of Dr Monje’s paper on DIPG. I am a practicing Pediatric / Oncologist / Neuro-Oncologist for the past 12 yrs and have dealt with at least 30 patients of DIPG (5 in 3yrs in Winnipeg, Canada). I have read your whole blog at least 3 times. It moved me to tears the same way it is when I deal / dealt with all the parents of DIPG kids. My honest opinion is that Zoey lives in you all and she expresses herself very eloquently through you (Suman). Just look at the way I addressed this mail (with Zoey in there). I am going to use/ recommend your blog for all my parents who have lost their kids to DIPG. It is not only therapeutic but empowers the body and soul to adapt / move on and do good things in life. Keep up all the good work. I always tell all my patient’s parents that they are the best possible advocates for their children and the disease.
I am currently working on a DIPG project to find out how I can open the Blood brain barrier to allow for medicines to get into this tumor. There has been enormous progress in DIPG and I can see light at the end of the tunnel. I hope in my life time, I will be able to conquer this tumor and hopefully, I will be able to contribute to this victory.
If you are still in India (Bangalore) or in the US, let us know how we can help (Monetary or in any way possible) Zoey and her (your) dreams.
With lots of Love / Hugs and prayers,
Mathangi / Vanan
Thank you for reaching out to me. I feel there is a purpose for each one is us and our existence and I am now beginning to understand what Zoey’s short existence on this earth meant.
Thank you for everything you do in this field. I am forever grateful to you and everyone one you doctors that do thankless research work.
Thank you once again.
Suman Ganesh
Suman26@yahoo.com
Suman,
I had no idea. I am so sorry. I feel terrible for not checking in on you earlier. Just 2 days ago I was chatting with another friend with a new born baby girl she named Zoey. It made me think of you and your Zoey. Even though I never met her I always remembered her name. And I wondered how you were doing. It makes me think now Zoey is still here with all of us, even those she never met. Then last night a mutual friend liked your blog on Facebook. I couldn’t stop the tears. I have a little boy of 3.5 years myself. I cannot even fathom my life without him.
My dear Suman, my heart goes out to you. At the same time, I am in awe of how strong and loving you are, and of how you have not lost your faith.
Sending you hugs, love, and blessings,
Sabina
Hi Sabina
Thank you for reaching out to me via Facebook as well. I’m amazed at how Zoey manifested herself when you were chatting with your friend whose daughter is also named zoey. Again thank you for reading about my daughter and helping me keep her alive in my own way. Blessings to you and your family as well. Lovely to hear about darling son.
Dear Suman, I stumbled upon your website by accident. Very well written blogs! Felt like I was there with you and Zoey and I am moved beyond words. I don’t know why but I feel like I have known her for a long time now. She is a darling. She is such a beautiful girl, a kind and a wise soul and a bundle of energy. I am amazed at her love for Krishna. As you rightly said in one of her blogs, it is probably her love for Krishna which kept her going till the end. I am sure she is with you and your family in spirit. I wish your family love, peace. and health. Please keep writing.
great to find something like this
Hi withoutmyzoey Team,
My name is Anuj Agarwal. I’m Founder of Feedspot.
I would like to personally congratulate you as your blog withoutmyzoey has been selected by our panelist as one of the Top 100 Brain Cancer Blogs on the web.
http://blog.feedspot.com/brain_cancer_blogs/
I personally give you a high-five and want to thank you for your contribution to this world. This is the most comprehensive list of Top 100 Brain Cancer Blogs on the internet and I’m honored to have you as part of this!
Also, you have the honor of displaying the badge on your blog.
Best,
Anuj